"Can couples use E-Stim?" It's one of the questions we get asked most, and one of the hardest to answer. Not because the answer is no. Because the question is really four or five questions in one.

Ask ten people what "E-Stim for couples" means and you'll get ten different pictures. One's imagining a partner holding the box and running the show. Another's picturing both of them wired up. Someone's wondering about sex with the current still flowing. So before we talk kit, let's untangle what you might actually mean when you ask about E-Stim with couples.

The two things people picture first

Sex with E-Stim

This is the one everybody asks about, so let's take it head on. Can you have sex while you're wired up? Honest answer? It depends. Or yes and no. Which isn't the ringing endorsement you were probably hoping for, and there's a reason for that.

E-Stim during sex has several problems. The first is dull and physical. Wires get in the way. E-Stim needs a circuit, two points of contact, a circuit needs cables, and cables have a habit of ending up exactly where you don't want them. The second matters a little more. You have to keep the current out of the chest.

That's the rule the whole of E-Stim hangs off, and it's why "sex with E-Stim" isn't one answer. If everything stays on one person and stays below the waist, you're on solid ground. An anal plug on one partner during sex, for instance, is self-contained and stays low. Doable, sensible, be a bit careful of the cable and you're fine. The moment the current has to travel between two bodies to complete its circuit, you've got a path to think about, and that path can run somewhere you really don't want it to.

The hand-holding, kissing demo

You've maybe seen this at an event. Two people wired to a single box, one contact on each, then they hold hands or kiss and the crowd goes "wild." Current runs from one person, through the handhold or the lips, into the other.

We've been making E-Stim since 2004, and we still can't see how anyone calls kissing with E-Stim safe. Passing current across the chest is a risk. Around the neck, bigger. Through the head, an absolute no. And a kissing demo is potentially all three at once. So, no. Not from us. It looks like a clever party trick. It's the one setup we'd actively tell you to walk away from.

You can use your hands as a contact, it is quite a sensual method, but you need to ensure that the current path does not go through the heart of either person, and as we mention in our safety guides, hand to hand does count as passing current through the chest, which is something to avoid.

Safety for both

While on the subject of safety, we all know the basics, play below the waist unless you know what you are doing, no current across the heart, but also no play if you have an implanted electronic device, suffer from epilepsy or are pregnant. It is easy to know where you stand, but are you sure your partner is also safe - this might be the chance to have that conversation for both of you.

Is it safe if you are the controller and they are the subject and you do suffer from one of the safety contraindications? The answer is how sure can you be that you are not going to inadvertently touch an active electrode in your play. rubber gloves might help, but be aware of the risks.

Before you plug in

Trust and consent

You're about to control a sensation on someone else's body. That's the whole game, and it only works on trust. Talk to your play partner first. Please don't spring E-Stim on someone as a 'surprise'. However playful your intentions, "electricity is dangerous" is wired into people at a subconscious level, and a surprise at this level can read as a threat, not a treat. Agree what's in and what's out. Then keep talking while you play, because consent isn't a form you sign at the start. E-Stim Sensation can ramp fast. Something that felt wonderful can feel like too much a minute later. Checking in isn't killing the mood. Silence is far more likely to do that.

Emergency stop

Make sure you have a stop signal, and know how to stop things FAST. With the 2B hit the select button it will kill the outputs. With the ElectroPebble or ElectroHelix, spin the level knob counter clockwise. In the worse case situation just pull the cables out from the box. Practice so you know what to do when they are stuck to the ceiling. BTW if you do quickly unplug an electrode during play, make sure you reduce the level to zero before you plug it back in.

Nervous Passenger?

Before you start to play you need to build their trust, and not just in you but let them build trust in the equipment. Your partner will probably be nervous about your new found enthusiasm for e-stim, so give them the box and the controls and let them play, even if it is just holding an electrode in their hand. E-Stim can be vastly removed from what they have tried before and it will take time. You might have spent hours on the internet exploring the world of E-Stim, they might just think you have bought a weird box off the internet that gives electric shocks, and this is supposed to be fun? So let them touch, explore and play, and when you do get to wire them up start at zero and slowly build up.

Why most of our boxes don't show you a level

The meaning of levels. Most of our boxes don't show a number for the output. Almost everything else on the market does. That's not us forgetting to put the numbers in.

Number can lie. What feels like 10% during one session might need to be 25% in the next. Same box, same person. We create boxes designed to help you play by reaction, not by a number. You should be watching the person, not the dial on the box.

It is the difference between designing for play and designing a product. A technician deals in numbers because numbers specify and measure and repeat, so a technician's box shows you a level, because to a technician the level is the point. We play with E-Stim. There is a difference.

"But the 2B shows a number," you say. It does. The 2B is our more technical box, the proper grown-up unit, and it's got soft controls, dials that spin forever with no start and no stop. A knob that stops at each end you can read by feel. You learn that about two o'clock is your level tonight. A dial that spins can't do that, so it gives you a number. The readout is standing in for the feedback your fingers would've had. 

Teach yourself first

No matter what the advertising or marketing blurb says, the only way you know what a box can do is to have felt it yourself. So we suggest you play solo before you play on a partner, or at least find a quiet corner and try the box out. Not as a beginner's stepping stone, but because it's how you become safe to drive. You learn what the thing's capable of on your own skin, at your own pace, with nobody else to worry about. And you're not reading the manual while they're wired up and waiting, which is exactly when you should be watching them, not the instructions.

One big warning to go with it. Liking something yourself tells you almost nothing about them. Your "good intense WOW" settings can be someone else's "far too much." Knowing what works for you doesn't tell you their limits. Listen to them.

Get things set up before you start

Have everything to hand. Powerbox, conductive gel, the electrodes, cables, spare batteries within reach. The last thing you want mid-session is to stop and go and find something. It breaks the moment, and a failing cable can give a proper jolt, so a bit of prep up front saves both.

Batteries

All of our boxes are built to run a cell right down to the floor, so expect to turn the output up as it drains. That's normal, not a fault. And when a battery finally goes, a minute to swap it beats a two-hour recharge any night. Keep a spare close and you carry on. That's the whole reason we didn't lock you into a rechargeable.

Start by turning things up slowly, and read the "nothing"

Start at zero and bring the levels up gently. If you get no reaction, don't just keep going. Do they genuinely feel nothing, in which case check your contacts, your placements, the cable? Or do they feel something and simply want more, in which case keep going.

Power is not control

If you're maxing the box out on the first session, you're missing the point. E-Stim's about sensation and texture, not a pain contest. Pain if that's what you both want, fine. But if that's all you're chasing, you're using a precision instrument as a cattle prod. And we don't sell farm implements.

Drop your assumptions

E-Stim doesn't always behave the way you expect. It isn't linear. You don't always feel it neatly between the two contacts, so if the sensation turns up somewhere odd, that's not a fault, it's the interesting bit. Swap connections over and see what changes. Experiment.

Keep it simple, at least to start. Nine times out of ten, when someone tells us E-Stim disappointed them, they'd switched everything on at once. Every electrode, every mode, first go. No room to explore, no time to adapt, then surprise surprise, it fell flat. Change one thing at a time. Explore the options and the settings.

Electrodes: don't skip the basics

People ignore the pads and dive straight for insertables, because insertables look sexier. Fair enough. But pads are the mainstay of our own personal play. They're quick to place, quick to change, and very, very effective. Remember the two basic rules, two points of contact and keep below the waist, and you're already half way there.

Most of our insertables work anally or vaginally, depending on what you're after, so one electrode isn't tied to one person or one kind of play. However, If you are sharing electrodes between people or between locations, then be scrupulously clean or keep specific electrodes reserved for one position or person.

So how do couples actually do it?

Sex? read the manual. Playing with E-Stim - here are some ideas.

One drives, one's wired up

Contact points on or in one person, the other is controlling the box. A single-channel box or a non-isolated dual channel is perfectly happy here, because everything's on the one body and nothing crosses between you. It's the classic starting point, it's the safest configuration, and it's a lot more fun than people expect. The one holding the box is reading the reactions and driving the sensation. The one wired up gets to let go.

Both wired up, a circuit each

Want to play together, both of you wired? Then give each person their own circuit. A dual-channel isolated box, the 2B, does exactly that. Two separate channels, one each, nothing crossing between you. That's the setup we'd point you to. The only real argument is who gets to hold the box, and whether you trust them.

Whatever you plug in follows what you're after. Two insertables. Pads and an insertable. Cock loops. Mix it however suits. Just keep a channel for each of you and don't cross the streams, as the man said in Ghostbusters. That's the same hazard we ranted about with the kissing demo, kept safely apart. One channel per person, current staying inside each of you where it belongs.

Two Boxes

Two boxes does the same job from the other direction. You each hold the other's controls. Sometimes that's more practical than one dual channelled box, often it's more fun, and it's very achievable at the cheaper end. Two ElectroHelix and you're away, each with a hand on the other's box.

The one we'd steer clear of

One contact on each of you, with the current running between the two bodies to complete the circuit. Will you feel something? Possibly, but probably not where you would expect, because the current picks its own path between the contacts, and it rarely picks the straight line in your head. That path runs between two people, and in the heat of the moment it can be hard to fully control where it goes. This is the kissing demo again in different clothes. Same problem. It's the one we don't recommend.

Things you might not think about

Once you've got the basics, the cupboard opens.

E-Stim Remote. One of you wired, the other holding a controller, and no wire running between you. It's the one-drives-one setup with the tether cut and range added. Remote's a whole topic of its own, so we'll not open it here, but know it exists.

Audio and voice. Sensation driven by sound. Music, or a voice. We'll let you sit with the voice-control idea for a minute.

E-Stim Connect. Partner play across the internet. You need a 2B at the receiving end, but the controller can be anywhere there's a connection. Our own record is 40,000 feet up, on a Virgin Atlantic Airbus over the Atlantic, with the subject on the ground in the UK. Purely as a test, of course. And yes, it works fine when one of you happens to be at work. We'll leave you to decide which of you is which.

Where do you start?

The easy way in is a pack. Our dual channel intro packs are built around the ElectroPebble, the XPE and the XPF, each with a range of electrodes depending on what you're looking for. Curious about penis play? Conductive rubber loops, or the ElectroRing system.

Or build your own. Pick a box, add a couple of electrodes, and go. And because every box ships with pads, you could be covered with nothing more than a 2B. Dual isolated channels, a set of pads on each, and a couple's on the starting line straight out of the box. The key isn't which pack. It's what YOU want.

Still not sure? Have a browse through the rest of the help hub. Take a look at the YouTube channel, where Liz and Caz talk through a fair bit from the vaginal-owning perspective. And we're always here if you'd rather just ask. However daft you think the question is, ask it. The only stupid question is the one that never gets asked.

The honest last word

There's no such thing as a couples product. There's no such thing as one right way to do this. You're all different, and even with everything we've learned since 2004, we're not going to tell you what you must do. We'll hand you the options and help you find the ones that fit.

And when we say couples, we mean any two people who want to play. Not the classic man-and-woman off a packaging photo. Whoever you are, whatever you're bringing to it, the kit doesn't care and neither do we. It's yours to work out.